Burnout
It’s the first time in my life I feel a sense of fatigue and overwhelm that I just can’t explain. It comes on the heels of a couple of months of intense travel, both for work and for fun, and at some point, about a month ago, I hit an absolute wall and started making doctor’s appointments to make sure I wasn’t sick. It feels like I’m running on an empty tank of gas and the nearest gas station is hundreds of miles away.
And tomorrow I head to Vegas with Josh for a work trip. I’m exhausted and I haven’t even started packing.
I started googling (because it’s the most reliable way of self-diagnosing…duh!). Social burnout is a thing. Much like regular burnout, it consists of feeling stressed, anxious, overwhelmed, irritable, and disconnected. The feeling that no matter how much you do socially, you can't keep up and end up feeling drained. DING, DING, DING! This is me. I’m a social burnout.
It doesn’t give me any relief to put a name to it - it just feels like my body is betraying me.
When I made the decision early this year to move beyond what feels comfortable, I thought it would give me clarity around purpose. The feeling that I didn’t have control of my life was real, so I was going to take the bull by the horns and steer it into submission, hoping clarity around purpose would follow. I picked up my camera, put this website together, and I made a commitment to live life more fully. To do all the things and see what unfolded. To say “no” less, and “yes” more. And it worked because I do feel more fulfilled. I feel pushed creatively, in a way I haven’t in a long time. I’m thankful. But pushing myself has come at a cost, too. My body is tired and I’m left wondering how best to strike the right balance.
My camera isn’t going anywhere. I love the solitude that comes with shooting and editing. But if I say “no” to drinks, or to another trip that requires me to take an airplane, it isn’t because I don’t want to spend time with you. I promise I still love you. I just need a little time to re-charge.
xoxo,
- Jaime